The Girl with the Blue Violin
by xxrougekissxx
Summary: Ana Steele is a detective in the Manhattan Special Victims Unit. While on vacation in Seattle, she comes across a murder case involving a Jane Doe and a mysterious violin. Pretty soon she's dragged into the world of BDSM, one she never thought she would find herself in. Can she solve the case? Or will a certain charming copper haired Adonis cause her to lose all focus? AU, OOC, HEA
1. Chapter 1

The Girl with the Blue Violin

 ** _This is what happens when you watch a Law & Order marathon along with the first episode of The Killing on Netflix. Rate, review & enjoy! Xoxoxoxo_**

 ** _I do not own Fifty Shades or any of the characters. All rights belong to E.L. James_**

 ** _Chapter 1 APOV_**

Katherine Kavanagh was persistent. She had been bugging me for weeks to come and visit Seattle.

"Ana, it'll be good for you. You need to come here and relax and decompress. You can't just bottle up your emotions"

Bottling up my emotions. _Is that what I was doing?_ I thought I was just trying to survive.

"Kate, I'm fine, really. And besides, I have a ton of paperwork that I've pushed off too long. I'm practically drowning over here"

That part was true. The huge stack of paperwork sitting on my desk had been taunting me for weeks and it was about time that I handled it before Captain Jennings noticed and chewed me out for it.

"Ana, you can't keep using work as an excuse. I mean it; I want you to come out here for a week or two. Elliot's been dying to meet you!"

Elliot was Kate's newest boyfriend. They had been together for five months already and seemed pretty serious. Kate's never been one to tie herself down but she's been practically attached to Elliot these past few weeks.

"We can go to the Space Needle and I can show around Pike Market. Oh Ana, you'll love it! Just come and visit, please!"

I can hear the desperation in her voice. If I don't give in now, she'll just bring it up until I agree. Seeing no way out of this, I concede. I guess I'm going to Seattle.

"Fine Kate, I'll come. But only for a week and ONLY after I'll tackle this pile of paperwork on my desk."

"Yay! I can't wait. How long do you think it'll take for you to finish?" Jeez, this girl doesn't know when to quit.

"I should be finished by the end of the week, assuming nobody interrupts me and nobody dies or gets kidnapped" I reply, my voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Now, now no need to get testy" I can almost visualize Kate sitting on the phone with a cheeky grin on her face. "If you want I'll keep all text and phone calls to a minimum. That way I'll be one less distraction"

I had to admit, it was a good compromise. And Kate was one of my biggest distractions at work. Between her calling to spill on the latest details of her love life, or tagging me in different threads on Facebook, it was a miracle I was able to be somewhat productive at my job.

Daniel was my other distraction. But he's not around anymore so now I actually have to do my work. A wave of sadness hits me. _Don't go there Steele_. I just have to take things one day at a time.

After finally agreeing to Kate's demands, and promising her at least five times that I will book a flight by the end of the week, I make my way to Captain Jennings' office. He's on the phone but puts his hand up to let me know he'll be with me in a minute.

"Yea alright, we'll I gotta go sweetheart. Detective Steele needs to speak with me." He must be talking to his wife, Margot. I haven't spoken to her since everything happened. I miss her.

"Yes dear I'll make sure to pick up dinner". He jokingly rolls his eyes. "Okay honey; I'll make sure to tell her…Love you too, bye". He hangs up and looks to me.

Nathaniel Jennings was on the surface, a very intimidating man. He was tall and built. Even in his ripe age of 57, the man was in top physical shape. He played college football for a bit before enlisting to serve in Vietnam. When he returned, he had a new found thirst for justice and enrolled in police academy. His dedication and professionalism along with his attention to detail were what allowed him to swiftly move up in the ranks. And today he was the Chief Officer of the Special Victims Unit in New York.

To me, he was just dear old Uncle Nate…but only outside of the office.

"Margot says hello, and she wants you to call her" he says.

"I'll make sure to call her when I get in tonight. She still giving you trouble about working too much?"

Jennings rubs his hands over his face repeatedly. I'll take that as a yes.

"I've been doing this for thirty years and she still doesn't get it." I can see the frustration written on his face.

"Maybe this is her way of asking for more time with you. Surprise her with a getaway. She'll like it".

He nods his head in agreement while looking off into the distance. I can almost see the gears in his head moving as he tries to think of something to do for her. Finally he looks up at me.

"How may I be of assistance detective?" He leans back in his chair and regards me with a warm grin.

Captain Jennings was probably a ladies man in his prime. To be honest, he's still sort of a ladies man now. All the women in the office cling to him, hanging on every word he says, and although he's faithful to his wife, he still lets his ego get him in trouble sometimes.

It was hard to deny that the man was attractive. He had hazel, almost green eyes that could captivate anyone who looked into them. His hair, once jet black, now had flecks of grey that gave him a somewhat distinguished look. There were age lines around his mouth and eyes, but his smile was still as warm and still as dazzling as it was when he was in his 20's.

"How may I be of assistance detective?" He leans back in his chair.

"I need you to approve my vacation request. I'm flying to Seattle next week to visit a friend".

His face lights up. "You? Going on vacation? I never thought I'd see the day."

"Yea well my friends a persistent one and you told me I should take some time off"

He gets out of his chair and walks over to me, taking my request form out of my hands. He quickly scans over it.

"A week, Steele?" He stares at me with his brow raised.

"Now you and I both know that when I said take some time off, I meant more than a week"

"Captain, with all due respect, I think a week is all I can muster at this point". I try to keep a straight face, but nothing gets passed Uncle Nate.

"Look Ana, we all know how much Daniel meant to you. We could all see how in love you guys were. But this," He points at me, "This isn't healthy. You're a ticking time bomb and anybody could see it. Take a few weeks off. Grieve. It's alright to feel vulnerable. Stop trying to bottle it up."

"Everyone keeps telling me that sir, but I'm scared that if I let go, I'll never be able to build myself back up". My voice is barely a whisper. I look down at feet to conceal my face.

I've never been so upfront with my thoughts. But with Uncle Nate, I can't hide. Daniel's death destroyed me and if I allow myself to fall apart, then I'm not sure I'll be able to piece myself together.

"Ana" he says softly. He tilts my face up by my chin, gazing into my eyes. "If you are anything like your father, then I know you'll get through this. Remember, Steele in name and spirit." He gives me a sad smile and I feel my eyes start to water. He walks back behind his desk.

"Now, I'm going to approve this request on the condition, that you take three weeks off instead of one. And I don't want you calling anybody here trying to get them to send you any work. I know how you operate". He looks at me pointedly after sitting back down.

I wipe the few tears that have fallen and nod my head. "Got it, sir".

"Good, now go take care of that paperwork on your desk. Another day more and I'll have to throttle you for it" he says, effectively dismissing me. I nod my head fervently and head back to my desk.

 _I told you he would notice._


	2. Chapter 2

_**I do not own Fifty Shades. All rights & characters belong to E.L. James. Enjoy & please review!**_

 _ **Chapter 2 CPOV**_

Christ! On days like this, I struggle to remember why I chose my job. That's the fourth kid we've rescued and placed into foster care and it's only 11am! They were all either covered in bruises, filthy or malnourished. These poor kids never asked for any of it.

One kid, she was only about five years old, had a burn mark from an iron on the back of her leg. Her miserable excuse of mother tried to say it was from an accident because the girl was so clumsy. It took every bit of me not to choke the living daylights out of her.

Working for the Seattle Special Victims Unit isn't an easy job at all. But who else is going to protect these kids? God only knows how much I wish someone had rescued me sooner from my pathetic excuse for a mother and her disgusting pimp. I push the thought of those two out of my head. I'm already in a bad mood; I don't need to push myself over the edge.

As I step into the office, I'm greeted by my partner Gail Jones.

"Grey, the Captain is looking for you. He wants to debrief with you about what happened today".

I throw my head back in annoyance and let out a sigh. Great, now the chief is going to try and psychoanalyze me. I so don't need this right now!

"Just give me a minute alright, Gail. This hasn't been one of my best mornings"

"You wanna talk about it?" She gazes at me with her big brown eyes. Gail Jones is the embodiment of 'Big things come in small packages'. She's one of the best detectives in the unit, but her tiny stature often makes people underestimate her. Not to mention, she's incredibly beautiful, which according to some people, disqualifies her from being good at her job.

Normally, I would go for a woman like her. The slender, petite type. But I don't like to mix work with pleasure and after six years of working with her, I've come to view her like a big sister. And besides, I don't go for blondes.

"Thank you, Gail but no. What I need is a shot of bourbon but it's not even noon yet". I rub my hands over my face, hoping to wipe away my stress. Nope, still stressed.

"Look I know with your past and all, some of these cases can get to you. But remember, we're saving lives. These kids will get into foster families and get adopted and live good lives. And we're the reason for it". She gives me a pat on my shoulder and heads off somewhere. I make my way to my desk and dial Flynn. Maybe I can squeeze in a session with him once I get off, lord knows I need it.

Before I can even sit down, I hear Captain Rawlings voice. "Grey, in my office. Now!" Can I just have a minute of peace? I stroll into Rawlings' office and he gestures for me to have a seat.

"You wanted to see me Captain?" Can he tell that I don't want to talk to him?

His eyes narrow a bit. I think he can tell.

"I want you to tell me what you saw today Grey". His voice is soft yet demanding. Christ, this is so pointless.

"Reynolds and I got an anonymous tip that there was a suspected case of child abuse. We responded to the address provided and found an apartment complex on the bad side of town. When we went to the specific apartment, we found three children all under the age of 5. There were bruises and marks on all of them indicative of repeated abuse. We called child protective services and when they arrived, Reynolds stayed with them while I asked around."

He looks at me with a somewhat pained expression on his face.

"What did you find out" He asks, his voice hoarse.

"Well the woman who lives in that apartment, we believe she's the children's mother. The neighbors said she leaves the apartment from around eight in the morning to ten at night. Apparently there used to be an elderly woman she would leave them with, but she passed away".

I sit back in my chair and let out a breath before continuing.

"The kids said that 'Mommy went to see her boyfriends so that they could give her some of her candy'".

He scoffs and shakes his head. "Jesus, just when you think you've heard it all. What did Child Protective Services say?"

"The kids were taken to the hospital to get their wounds looked at and when they're cleared, they'll be put into a foster family"

He leans back in his chair, relief on his face. "That's good. Good job Grey. You got those kids out of a bad situation. You should feel good about yourself. Not wanting to wallow in self misery"

I roll my eyes and stand up to leave. As I reach for the handle, Rawlings stops me.

"Grey" I turn to face him "I mean it; you're a good man and a damn good detective. Take the rest of today and tomorrow off. Let Reynolds do the paperwork"

I nod solemnly and thank him before heading out of his office. Walking back to my desk I bump into Reynolds.

"So I'm guessing you had your little powwow with the chief?" he asks sarcastically

"Yea and I wasn't too thrilled about it. Christ! All of this because one guy decided to off himself"

About two years ago, one of the lead detectives in the office came to the scene of a crime involving a murder-suicide. A jealous father killed his wife and two kids before turning the gun on himself. The cop was so disturbed by what he saw that he committed suicide a week later.

The detective's family got involved and blamed the department for not being concerned with the mental welfare of their officers and so now we have mandatory therapy sessions with the chief after we go into the field. Except they don't call it therapy, they call it debriefing. I already have a therapist. I don't need another.

Reynolds chuckles a bit, "It's supposed to help you but I swear talking about things only makes me feel even worse. I'm guessing chief let you know that I'm doing the paperwork?"

"Yea, he told me to take the rest of the day off." I still can't believe it but I'll make sure to leave before he changes his mind.

"Well good, you deserve it" he says. There's a hint of admiration in his voice. "Six years, you've been in the office and you're better at your job than the detectives who've been here for twenty. Stop beating yourself up so much"

I really wish people would stop trying to be my therapist.

"Yea, well I'm going to head out. I got some errands I can run since I'll be off til Wednesday." I go to head out but Reynolds calls me back.

"Oh wait Grey, don't forget! Gail's going away party is next week. It's going to be at the bar downtown; Fifty's I think is the name". How fitting.

Shit! I almost forgot. Gail recently got engaged to her boyfriend Jason. They've been together since I started working with her. He's a military man and is going to be stationed on base in California. So they're going to elope this weekend and move out to San Francisco next week. That means I'll need a new partner. Just when I thought I was stressed enough.

"Don't worry Reynolds; I wouldn't miss it for the world"

* * *

I decide to head to my apartment and rest for a bit. I tried to schedule an appointment with Flynn, but he's all booked today. Looks like I'll have to resort to other outlets. I hear my phone ringing and look down to see that its Grace calling. I decide to let it go to voicemail. I know it's wrong, but with my mood right now, I don't want to take out my frustrations on my mother.

My phone rings again and I notice its Elena calling. What does she want?

I pick up and answer briskly, "What Elena?"

Unfazed, she responds coolly, "Christian darling, how are you? You seem tense"

I close my eyes and grab the bridge of my nose. "Not that it matters to you Elena, but I've had a pretty shitty day so far."

"Well I think I have just the trick to make you relax"

"Elena, I'm not really in the mood to come out and play right now"

"Sweetheart, you're not handling stress well and you know what happens when you don't have a proper outlet."

She's right and I hate it when she's right. But I just want to be left alone for the time being. I let out a sigh of frustration. It's been a while since I've had a scene. I can't really have a contractual sub since my work hours are often so unreliable. But from time to time, I frequent one the many BDSM clubs that Elena invests in.

"Whatever it is, email me the details and I'll look it over when I wake from my nap"

"Wonderful" she replies, her voice ringing with satisfaction. "You'll really love what we have planned for tonight. I'm told there will be some very eager prospects for you to choose from"

I've told this woman repeated times that I don't do contracts. I don't have the time for it. Although there are women that I've arranged to meet a club more than once, it would be unfair of me to enter into a contract with someone I can't fully devote myself to.

I'm not a complete idiot about it though. The women I do scenes with all sign NDA's provided by the clubs and everyone who visits them, submits proof that they are in fact healthy. I can't afford to catch anything nor can I afford to have someone expose me. Seattle's top Special Victims Crime detective likes to handcuff and beat brown haired girls? That wouldn't go well at all.

"Elena, I've already discussed this with you. I don't have the time to have a formal relationship. My job hours are too hectic."

"Well I don't see why you have that depressing job anyway. The hours are shit and it just makes you miserable". In some ways, she's right. But she couldn't possibly understand the reason that makes me overlook all the negatives of my job.

I consider my job a form of penance. An apology to the universe of some sorts. I'm a fucked up asshole who can only hurt people and so what better way to prevent more assholes like me than saving kids from the very situation that made me who I am. I know, I'm fifty shades of fucked up.

"Elena, I'm not prepared to have this conversation with you. If that's all, I'd like to take my nap now.

I end my phone call and head into my room, throwing myself on my bed. Sleep finds me soon and I drift off into a temporary peace.


	3. Chapter 3

_**AN: Hello lovelies! I've gotten a great amount of feedback from people regarding this story which is pretty exciting! I do have another story that I'm working on that is a little less complex hence why I was able to update that one so quickly. This story is going to be fun and exciting and there will be some crazy plot twists, so I hope you stick around. I mapped it all out and I definitely want to do more books and make this into a trilogy of some sorts. So with that said, I hope you enjoy this chapter. Please feel free to leave reviews, it helps me become a better writer! Enjoy xoxoxoxo**_

 **I do not own Fifty Shades. All rights & privileges belong to E.L. James**

 _ **Chapter 3 APOV**_

Surprisingly, the rest of the week went by fast. By Thursday all of my paperwork was completed and approved by Uncle Nate. That same night, I booked my flight to Seattle; Kate was thrilled to know that my vacation was extended an extra two weeks.

"Oh my God, Steele, three weeks? That's so much better than just a week, now I have enough time to show you around!" Afterwards she squealed on the phone for about an hour, listing off the different sites and shops she would take me to.

Since my flight leaves early Saturday morning, Uncle Nate suggested that I take Friday off to prepare for my trip. So here I am now, packing and making arrangements for when I'll be out of town.

By 2:30, my bags are all packed and the apartment is cleaned. Thankfully I don't have pets or plants, so there's no need to have someone come over while I'm gone. Uncle Nate has agreed to check on my mail once a week which is great, because I'm still getting paperwork regarding Daniels accounts & estates. I haven't really gone through his stuff since he passed and I don't know when I'll be ready to. I push the thought from my mind and go through my mental checklist of things to do.

I realize now that I haven't eaten anything and so I head out to the little café down the street to have a late lunch. Daniel and I used to come here often on the weekends when neither of us felt like cooking. I order my usual, chicken noodle soup with half a BLT sandwich. The waitress recognizes me and greets me with a sad smile.

"Hey Ana, how are things going?" I really wish people would stop treating me with kid gloves.

"They're going I guess, I'm just taking things one day at a time, you know?" She nods in agreement.

"Well if you need anything from me or anyone here, don't hesitate to ask. We all really liked Daniel, he was a great guy".

I nod and give her the same smile she greeted me with, tears threatening to spill over. She heads back behind the counter to take another couples order. I finish my meal quickly so that it doesn't go to waste.

As I eat my meal, I look around the café and suddenly all the memories of our times here flood my mind. Daniel joking with the cashier about how strong they made their coffees. He was really sensitive to caffeine. Or Daniel and I sitting outside watching the snobby Upper East Side residents walk their prissy dogs. _I need to get out of here_. I was stupid for thinking I was ready to come here. Daniel's spirit is still alive in this place and the awareness of it fills me with a painful longing.

I take a deep breath and decide to do some shopping. I can't go see the fashionista that is Katherine Kavanagh and not have an acceptable wardrobe. I would never hear the end of it from her. I catch the subway downtown to 5th Avenue and decide to hit up some of the shops there. Before I know it, it's 7pm and I have spent quite a lot already. At least I'll be stylish in Seattle.

I decide to take a cab back home because there is no way in hell I am getting on a New York City train with a shitload of bags. I get back to my apartment within 30 minutes and throw myself onto the couch as soon as I get in.

 _This trip better be worth it._

* * *

I decided to pull an all-nighter since my flight is so damn early. Kate wanted to take full advantage of my time with her, so I'm catching the 4am flight to Seattle out of JFK. The flight will be around 6 hours, which gives me a decent amount of time to catch up on sleep. There's a noticeable time difference between New York and Seattle so I hope that my internal clock isn't completely out of whack by the end of this trip.

I arrive at the airport at 3am and quickly go through security and check in. I'm just waiting to board, so I shoot Kate a text to let her know my flight is about to leave. Surprisingly Kate responds back telling me to have a safe flight. Before I know it, I'm called to board my flight.

Thankfully all goes well and I arrive in Seattle right around 7am. Kate told me she would meet me at the gate and after gathering my luggage, I head out to find her. As I walk through the airport, scanning around for her face, I'm tackled from the side. All I see is a blur of blonde accompanied by excited squeals.

"Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, you're here! How was the flight? Did you sleep? Are you hungry? There's a little café right aro-"

"Jeez Kate, it's 7am. Give the girl a break!" Kate's high pitched rambling is interrupted by a deep voice. There's a good looking guy standing next to her, who I assume to be Elliot. I manage to get a good look at him.

Elliot is the epitome of an 'All-American boy'. He's ridiculously tall, about 6'3 and he's all muscle. He has cute little blonde curls at the top of his head. His biceps are easily bigger than my head. And he has the brightest blue eyes I think I've ever seen. They're mesmerizing.

Elliot extends his hand to me, "Hey Ana, it's nice to finally meet you. I'm Elliot Grey."

"Nice to meet you Elliot. I feel bad Kate dragged you out this early just to come get me"

Elliot smiles a full mega-watt smile. _I'm sure that's how he won over Kate._

"It's nothing. I'm an early bird myself. And besides Katie-girl here was so excited to see you that I decided to tag along.

 _Katie-girl?_ I look over at Kate and she's hanging on to every word he says. _Man she's got it bad._

"Well Katie-girl, where to now?" I say with a mischievous grin on my face. I know I'm teasing, but I can't resist. The free spirited Katherine Kavanagh is in love!

Kate glances at me and blushes. "Well if you're not tired, I figured we can drop your stuff off at the apartment and then go to a diner and get something to eat. There's this cute retro diner around the corner from our apartment."

My eyes widen a bit as I look at Kate in disbelief. Our apartment. _They're already living together?_ Katherine and I definitely have some things to talk about.

As Elliot drives us to the apartment, Kate is rambling a mile a minute. Excitedly she lists off the shops and museums and clubs she wants to take me to.

"Oh my gosh Steele, we have to go to this one club downtown! I did a review for them in the paper and the owner liked it so much he added me and any of my guests to the VIP list"

I groan inwardly. I despise clubs. A bunch of sweaty drunk people, simulating sex only to go home and have real life disappointing sex. _Sounds like fun_.

"Kate, I was hoping to maybe do some low key things. Like sightseeing and maybe a spa visit"

"Well we can do that too but I really want you to let your hair down and have some fun! Isn't that what this trip is about?"

Kate gives me her best puppy dog pout, her green eyes wide and pleading. I have the ability to knock out a guy twice my size but I'm powerless against my best friends pout.

"Fine" I concede. "We can go to a club, but if some douchebag starts grinding up on me, I'm out".

Kate bounces up and down in her seat and I hear Elliot chuckle.

"Man, that face works on you too Ana?" he shakes his head mockingly; "I thought I was the only one."

I smile at the thought of Elliot giving in to Kate's pout. I'm pretty sure it's famous across Seattle. If only he knew some of the things Kate has gotten away with because of it.

"You have no idea what Kate can get out of someone with a pout" I say. And we all break out in laughter.

* * *

Kate and Elliot live in a pretty nice neighbor in downtown Seattle. Pike Place Market District is a fun hip area with bits and pieces of vintage charm. I really like it here; it reminds me of Manhattan in some way.

After dropping off my things and getting settled in, Kate, Elliot and I head to the diner down the street for some breakfast. We sit down and enjoy our meal and catch up a little.

Pointing between Kate & Elliot I ask, "So how did you two meet?"

Kate blushes as she steals a glance at Elliot. "Well, I was at a club" she starts. I roll my eyes; it's so typical for Kate to meet some guy at some club.

"And this guy bumped into me and spilled his drink all over my shirt. I was drenched; I looked like I had just got out of a wet T-shirt contest!"

Elliot chuckles, "Yea but you looked hot babe" and he flashes a panty dropping grin at her.

"Shut up!" she says as she swats his arm. "Anyway, I'm standing there soaking wet, tits all out there for everyone to see and Elliot came and put the guy in this chokehold and forced him to apologize."

"The guy was trying to show off to his friends, he deserved it. So I gave Katie-girl here my shirt and offered to drive her home because her friends had ditched her"

Kate gazes at him lovingly "And then I invited him in and we stayed up all night talking and watching The Big Bang Theory" she giggles.

"I knew I was a goner as soon as I saw those big green eyes" Elliot gives her a chaste kiss on the lips.

Daniel used to kiss me like that. I feel tears threatening to spill over but I will myself not to cry. Not wanting to ruin everyone's mood, I push those thoughts aside.

"Aww how sweet" I comment, "I'm really happy for you Kate; you guys seem like a great couple"

Kate beams at me, her face lighting up, "You really mean that Ana?"

I reach over and grab her hand.

"Of course babe, any guy that has you grinning like you are right now, is okay with me."

I glance at Elliot and give him a warm smile as he puts his arm around Kate.

* * *

After breakfast, Elliot decided to give Kate and I some girl time while he went to do some errands. Kate wants him to drag his brother out with us tonight. Apparently he's a detective for Seattle's Special Victims Unit. I think Kate secretly hopes to hook us up, but I just might have to disappoint her.

For one, I'm not sure I'm emotionally prepared for a relationship. But Miss Kavanagh has other plans for me.

"Ana, I'm not saying you have to go and marry the guy, I'm just saying you should fuck him" she says this casually as we sit down for a pedicure at the spa. Her boldness both amuses and mortifies me.

"Kate, I've never been a casual sex kind of girl, so I don't see why I should start now." Call me old fashioned but I don't want to hop in bed with just anyone. Daniel was the only guy I've ever been with and that was after a year of dating.

"Alright fine, you don't have to fuck Elliot's brother…yet. Just give him a chance and get to know him. He's really hot"

I shake my head in disbelief. "Um hello, remember Elliot? Your boyfriend"

Kate laughs "Girl just because I'm taken doesn't mean I can't look. My hot boyfriend has an equally hot little brother, although they look nothing alike"

"Oh does Elliot, look more like his mom or dad?"

"Neither" she responds. "Elliot and his siblings are all adopted".

"Really?" I ask incredulously, "I mean it's not that surprising but still, I wouldn't have had any idea".

"Yupp, but he still loves his parents the same and he's close with his siblings. At least he tries to be. Christian works a lot since he's a detective"

Christian. It's a nice name and Kate says he's hot. She and I usually find the same guys attractive. But I'm not sure if I'm ready to jump into dating again.

"Kate, I don't know" I say hesitating. "I'm so fucked up in the head right now. What guy would want to date me?"

"Ana" Kate says softly. She leans over and holds my hand. "I know it's hard. Daniel was everything to you. But he wouldn't want this. He wouldn't want you to be like this. You promised him you wouldn't do this"

"It just hurts so much" my voice barely a whisper.

I feel my eyes water and my chest tighten. _Please don't cry. Please don't cry_. I repeat the mantra in my head. But my resolve weakens and pretty soon I'm sobbing into my hands. Kate gets up out of her seat and holds me while I cry. Thank God we're the only ones in the salon right now.

Soon after, the tears stop. I'm silently shaking but I'm not as hysterical. Strangely I feel relief wash over me. Is that what everyone's been trying to tell me? I glance at Kate who watches me sympathetically. She rubs her hand up and down my arm to comfort me.

"You look like you needed that, huh?"

I nod my head and lean into her shoulder. Kate has always made me feel safe and I feel bad that I tried to avoid coming out to see her.

"Well" she says pointedly, "Now that we've got that out of our system, I think we need some alcohol to replace it".

I look at her in amazement, "Kate it's only 11:30!"

She grins at me playfully, "I know but it's 5 o'clock somewhere isn't it?"

 _What am I going to do with her?_

* * *

 ** _AN: Sooo it looks like Ana is taking the first steps towards moving on with her life. Next chapter will definitely be her and Christian meeting for the first time and believe me, there will be fireworks! I'm planning on all the drama happening within the next two chapters and then things will get REALLY interesting. Until then darlings! xoxoxo_**


	4. Chapter 4

**_AN: Hello lovelies I am so so so sorry, I took so long with this chapter. I wanted to get it just right because from here on, there will be drama, BDSM, and lemons. LOTS AND LOTS OF LEMONS! So I won't keep you guys waiting any longer. Here's Chapter 4!_**

 **I do not own Fifty Shades. All rights and privileges go to E.L. James**

 ** _Chapter 4 CPOV_**

Shortly after drifting off to sleep, I received a call from Flynn telling me that he had time to see me after all. I jumped at the opportunity; Flynn very rarely does last minute appointments. Now as I sit back and reflect on the session, I realize that a lot has to change in my life.

 ** _* FLASHBACK*_**

 _"So Christian, you wanted to talk to me. Tell me what's on your mind"._

 _John fucking Flynn. I have the strangest love hate relationship with this man. I started seeing him right when I became a detective. After being shuffled between therapists as a kid, I was relieved to finally find someone who didn't annoy me so goddamned much. Flynn's no angel; he has his moments. But I guess I've come to think of him as a friend in some ways._

 _"Just work, John. It's been getting to me more than usual. Day after day I see these kids, in terrible conditions and it fucks with my head." I throw my head back and run my hands over my face._

 _"Did something happen at work today" he asks pointedly._

 _I tell him about the kids we found, how filthy they were. There was no food in any of the fridges, and the all were being raised by shit parents. It reminded me of my mother._

 _"And why did it remind you of her?" I look at John with a confused expression on my face._

 _"Why did those kids remind you of your mother?" he clarifies. I must've said that part out loud._

 _"I don't know" I reply, "Maybe because those kids had a shitty example of one just like I did. Maybe because I hope that I did something good and they actually do have better lives"_

 _"Now why would you think you didn't do something good?" I hate when he wants to get deep with me._

 _Why? Because maybe I was too fucking late to save those kids? The damage may already be done. Maybe they'll grow up to be fucked up just like me, or even worse? All because I couldn't save them in time. So much for trying to do some good. But of course I won't say this all to John, that will just open up a whole other can of worms that I'm not ready to deal with._

 _"I think I might be getting bored with BDSM" I attempt to change the conversation; I need to get the attention off that area._

 _John just goes with the flow, one of the things I like about him. But I do notice that he writes something in his notepad._

 _"Now what brought you to this realization?" he asks._

 _What did bring me to this? I guess that it's not fun. It definitely helped with stress but I'm not enjoying it as much as I used to. I need more, whatever that may mean._

 _"I think I'm just not getting the satisfaction from it that I used to."_

 _Johns brows raise, almost to say "Oh really?"_

 _"The last time I did a scene, it was my usual style. Petite, brunette. I caned her before tying her up and fucking her. Now normally, the minute the cane touches my hand, I can feel the adrenaline rush through me but this time, I felt nothing. It felt like a chore to be in there, whereas before I would run as soon as Elena told me there was some event going on"_

 _I see Flynn tense at the mention of Elena. He and I have differing opinions about her,_

 _"And how would you feel if Elena called now?" he asks pointedly._

 _How would I feel? Lately I have been irritated by our conversations. I dread any sort of contact with the woman._

 _"I would ignore her call," I answer truthfully. I see Flynn jot down a few notes._

 _My relationship with Elena has always been somewhat easy to handle. She came into my life at a time where I needed it. I was a 15 year old boy desperate for touch yet terrified of it at the same time. And along came Elena; she was my real life Aphrodite. No girl could compare and I followed her like a love sick moron for 6 years before I decided to become a Dom._

 _But now, all that had changed. Lust turned to resentment. And in replacement of the gratitude I once held for, was pure disgust. The thought of her around me or any of my family that she had fooled through the years, filled me with a blinding rage._

 _"And why does she disgust you?" Flynn interrupts my thoughts. I realize that I've been speaking my thoughts again._

 _"Because she makes me hate myself. I'm a detective for crying out loud John. I handle cases involving sexual and physical abuse of children and I, I...I-"_

 _"You couldn't see that she was a pedophile" John says, finishing my sentence for me._

 _What he says next, sends a sobering chill down my spine._

 _"You pride yourself as doing some good and wanting to help these children who are victims of atrocious crimes and you go after the perverts and degenerates who hurt them. Yet you couldn't see for yourself that, the woman you considered to be your truest friend, was actually just like those perverts"_

 _"It was different. I was different"_

 _"No Christian, you weren't. What she did to you was just as wrong as what you see happening to the children you rescue. You were a victim. And the sooner you accept it, the better your life will be"_

 _*END FLASHBACK*_

The rest of my week dragged on painfully. I didn't go to the club that night Elena called me. After speaking with Flynn, I am more determined to get this woman out of my life. Of course there is the issue of her being my mother's best friend; I know what I have to do to fix that, but I can't bring myself to do it just yet.

 _"Hey mom, you know Elena, your best friend? Well from the age of 15 to 21 I let her tie me up and beat me before fucking me. And guess what, I do it to other women now!_ " Yea that won't go over well. As for me deciding to leave BDSM, I'm just as clueless. I don't know the first thing about relationships outside of hard limits and safe words. What the hell am I going to do now?

I'm relieved that it's Saturday and that I get a reprieve from work. Even though Rawlings gave me two days off, the remaining three days were hectic. I decide to go for a run to clear my head a bit.

As I head out my apartment building, I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket. I check and see that it's my brother Elliot calling. If I don't pick up, he'll just keep calling.

"Elliot," I answer, coolly, "What is it?"

"Well helloooo to you too Mr. Warmth" I hear him laughing over the phone.

"Elliot, what do you want? I'm heading out for a run."

"Well little bro, while I'm happy to know that you are staying active, I wanted to see if you would come out tonight. Kate's friend Ana is in town and she wants to take her to dinner and some club downtown."

While I despise eye-rolling, I find it to be a nasty habit, I can't help but do it whenever Elliot mentions Katherine Kavanagh. She's his latest flavor of the month that seems to have extended her welcome. She and Elliot share an apartment in the Pike Market District downtown.

"Elliot, while I appreciate the offer, I'm not really in the mood for a club". Technically it is true, because I don't want to go clubbing, but I mainly don't want to be in the same room as Kate. She irritates the shit out of me.

"Oh come on bro! You're 27! Not 72! Live a little!"

I feel my patience wearing thin as I pinch the bridge of nose.

"Elliot I really don- "

"Look," Elliot says cutting me off, "How about, just come out to dinner with us and we'll take things from there. Sounds good?"

If I say no, he'll keep at it. Might as well agree and get it over with.

"You said Kate's friend is in town. Is she cute?" Elliot laughs

"She's hot man. I mean nobody is better looking than my Katie-girl but Ana is definitely a looker."

"What else do I need to know about her?"

Elliot rambles off some info about Kate's friend. Ana apparently is a detective like me in New York. I don't know if that scares me or excites me. I've never made a habit of dating female detectives. Then again, I never made a habit of dating at all.

Begrudgingly I agree. While my idea of a good Saturday night usually doesn't involve dealing with my brother and his girlfriend, I'm willing to make an exception. I'm curious to meet this Ana. Elliot obviously likes her, so she can't be that bad. And maybe, this could be an attempt at normal. After arranging to meet at his place at 8pm, I end the call and head out for my run.

 _Please let this be worth it._

* * *

 ** _APOV_**

After a few mimosas, followed by some more pampering at the spa, Kate and I finally make it back to her and Elliot's apartment.

I stumble into her living room and throw myself on the couch, exhausted. Kate comes by and gives me a swat on the butt.

"Just what do you think you're doing?" she asks disbelievingly.

"I'm resting, Kate. I've been up since 7am and I had four mimosas before 5pm. I'm exhausted!" _Jeez, has she ever heard of a midday nap?_

"I know but we need to decide on what you're wearing for dinner tonight. Elliot's brother agreed to come out with us"

 _Really?_ I try to hide my excitement. If Kate picks up on it, she'll go into hyper drive and the last thing I want is to be overwhelmed before meeting this guy.

"Fine, but can we make it quick, I need at least a 30 minute nap, otherwise I'll pass out before the appetizers show up."

Kate squeals and jumps up and down excitedly.

"Oh my God, I think I have something in my closet for you", she runs off into her room like a woman on a mission.

"Actually Kate," I call out, "I did some shopping before I flew out here. I was hoping to get your approval on some of the things I picked".

Normally, I don't care what people think but to get a seal of approval from Kate would really boost my confidence.

Kate walks back into the living room, her eyes wide with amazement.

"What?!" I ask

"You went shopping all by yourself?" If her eyes get any wider, they'll fall out of her head.

"Yes Kate, I did and I want you to help me pick something out"

"But, but w-where did you shop at?" she stammers out. I know I complain about shopping but I didn't think it would be that hard for my best friend to believe that I would go do it by myself.

"I don't remember, I think Saks, Bloomie's and a bunch of other shops on 5th Avenue" I answer nonchalantly.

Suddenly Kate gets all misty eyed and a lone tear slips down her cheek.

"Ana I never thought I was see the day that you would go shopping by yourself, let alone on 5th Avenue!"

She runs to me and envelopes me in a bear hug.

"Honey I'm so proud of you!" she squeals. Leave it to Kate to make a big deal out of nothing.

"Alright, alright" I say as I try to get out of her grasp. "Now are you going to help me find something to wear or not".

* * *

Finally after God knows how long, we settle on our outfits. I decide to lie down and take a quick nap but Kate once again prevents me from doing so.

"Ana! Get up, it's 6:30, Christian's going to be here at 8! Come we have to get ready!"

Running on less than 6 hours of sleep? _It's going to be a long night_

After being poked at incessantly by Kate, I'm finally ready for the night. With her help, I decided to wear my Guess Crochet Mix Dress from Bloomingdale's. It's black and short, but not too revealing. It has a cutout lace back with a button closure at the top.

I also borrowed a pair of her Christian Louboutin So Kate black pumps. My hair has been curled and pinned to the side. Kate has done my makeup dramatically, with a smoldering smokey eye that brings out the blue of my irises. I look good. And more surprisingly, I feel good!

Kate on the other hand is wearing a BCBGeneration Mesh Yoke Dress that I bought for myself. I was surprised when she decided to wear it. I never thought I'd see the day that she would borrow something from me. But it looks great on her.

Her strawberry blonde locks fall in waves down her back. Her face is framed by diamond tear drop earrings, a Christmas gift from her dad. And she completes the whole look with a gorgeous pair of Christian Louboutin Divinoche 160 Suede Black & Gold pumps. She's flawless.

Elliot finally comes out of he and Kate's bathroom dressed in a nice button up with dress pants. He came back right after Kate and I finalized our outfits.

"Hubba, hubba! Check out you two babes!"

Kate and I laugh as we put the finishing touches on; we check for any faulty eye liner or lose hairs.

"Christian is going to cum in his pants when he sees you"

I roll my eyes as I dab away some lipstick. "That's so not the point of tonight Kate"

"I know, I know. But I'm telling you, you're going to have him eating out of the palm of your hands by the end of the night."

Just then there's a knock at the door. Kate squeals and sprints out the room.

"I'll get it!" she yells out.

 ** _CPOV_**

At 8 o'clock, I find myself standing outside the door to Elliot and Kate's apartment. I am half tempted to turn around and go home but I know it'll make things bad between Elliot and I. Besides, it's just dinner…for now. If things look promising between me and Ana, then maybe I'll consider going to the club but if not, then I'm taking my ass home.

As soon as I knock on the door, I hear a voice on the other side that makes me cringe.

"I'll get it!" they yell out. Crap, it's Kate. Why couldn't Elliot answer and save me a few minutes of not having to interact with her?

Kate opens the door and beams at me.

"Christian! I'm so glad you could come tonight" She opens the door for me to enter.

"Katherine. And Elliot insisted so here I am" I don't care for Kate at all but I might as well try to keep things civil. Especially if I'm interested in her friend. Just then, my brother makes an appearance. He's dressed well, something I've always admired in him.

"Christian! You actually came. And well-dressed I might add" he says teasingly. I'm wearing a pair of Hugo Boss jeans with a nice button up shirt. It's not flashy but it's appropriate for the evening.

"Are you trying to impress someone?" Elliot asks me with a knowing grin on his face. I shake my head no with an impassive look on my face.

"I'll go see if Ana is ready" Kate says, the same knowing look etched on her face. I swear those two are perfect for each other, even if I can't stand her.

While we wait, Elliot asks if I would be able to come and look at some finance reports for his company. He owns his own construction company that is doing well and occasionally I give him financial advice.

"Hey bro, if you're so good with numbers, how come you never went into business?"

He hands me a beer from the fridge as I sit at the table in their kitchen.

"I don't know" I say taking a swig from the bottle. "Other opportunities presented themselves."

"I know" he says, "But you obviously love it. I know you still only read the finance section in the Times and your television is only on the channel with all that stock market stuff. So what gives?"

I take another swig of beer. "It's complicated, Elliot. And I really don't want to talk about it"

Elliot nods and finishes his bottle, effectively ending that conversation. I'm thankful for it, as I don't really want to get into my self-loathing issues with my brother.

"Man what is taking these girls so long? Kate let's get a move on, we've got reservations!"

"We're coming Grey, don't get your panties all in a twist". Surprisingly, it's not Kate who says it.

I'm walking back into the living room just when Ana walks in and for a minute time stands still.

When Elliot said she was a looker, he was clearly understating her looks. This woman is gorgeous! Her legs go for miles; they were like an endless road that I'd want nothing more than to traverse. The dress she's wearing fits her like a glove, accentuating her curves, and making her even more enticing than she already was. But what draws me the most to her, are her eyes. Piercing blue and icy, it's as if she could see through me. She is a sorceress and I am stuck under her spell.

Kate interrupts my staring to formerly introduce us.

"Christian, this is Anastasia" she says as I extend my hand to her friend.

"Anastasia, beautiful name for a beautiful girl" I say as I give her my most charming smile.

She blushes a deep red as she takes my hand.

"Thank you, and it's just Ana".

Our hands touch and I can feel a current shoot between us. It sends a wave of pleasure through my body, one that I've never felt before. I know she feels it too; an almost inaudible gasp slips from her mouth as our hands meet. Like a moth to a flame, I am drawn to this woman and I don't know why.

"Well" Elliot says rather impatiently, "If you all don't mind, I'm starving and we have reservations. Let's go!"

Kate grabs her coat and follows after Elliot as I help Ana slip into her jacket. My fingers brush against the nape of her neck and I can see her shudder slightly.

"Thank you" she says, blushing the same shade of red from earlier.

"My pleasure" I return, "After you"

I follow her out the door, simultaneously praying that tonight goes well and thanking whatever divine entity there may be for Katherine fucking Kavanagh.

* * *

 _ **I wanted to go a little further into the date, but the chapter would've been wayyy too long. So next chapter we get into the nitty gritty. Make sure to leave reviews and let me know what you think! xoxoxoxo- Rouge**_


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